1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:11,560 [Music] 2 00:00:18,200 --> 00:00:14,749 and are the surgeries usually able to be 3 00:00:21,980 --> 00:00:18,210 completed in one session that is our 4 00:00:25,400 --> 00:00:21,990 goal in that was a change when what I 5 00:00:28,460 --> 00:00:25,410 took over here in the u.s. current the 6 00:00:30,470 --> 00:00:28,470 current the then standard was that 7 00:00:34,760 --> 00:00:30,480 surgeons would complete things in two 8 00:00:36,530 --> 00:00:34,770 surgeries or some revisions now we call 9 00:00:39,500 --> 00:00:36,540 them but we do those less than one in 10 00:00:42,740 --> 00:00:39,510 twenty where we have to do a revision to 11 00:00:44,420 --> 00:00:42,750 make it cosmetically acceptable and 12 00:00:46,819 --> 00:00:44,430 approximately how long does the surgery 13 00:00:49,490 --> 00:00:46,829 take if we're talking about male to 14 00:00:51,650 --> 00:00:49,500 female 3d half hours in our experience 15 00:00:56,380 --> 00:00:51,660 there are locations where it can take as 16 00:00:59,540 --> 00:00:56,390 much as seven hours to do one surgery 17 00:01:04,070 --> 00:00:59,550 yes butBut under under four hours for 18 00:01:06,530 --> 00:01:04,080 sure and then recovery time depends what 19 00:01:09,320 --> 00:01:06,540 you define as recovery and a couple of 20 00:01:12,740 --> 00:01:09,330 days to be up and walking three days in 21 00:01:14,990 --> 00:01:12,750 the hospital in the six weeks were kind 22 00:01:17,749 --> 00:01:15,000 of a so-called full recovery but three 23 00:01:22,570 --> 00:01:17,759 months before you can have sex okay 24 00:01:24,920 --> 00:01:22,580 and what a what about female to male a 25 00:01:26,690 --> 00:01:24,930 roughly same term period although I 26 00:01:29,060 --> 00:01:26,700 would say that early parts are more 27 00:01:31,789 --> 00:01:29,070 delayed there are just multiple stages 28 00:01:33,200 --> 00:01:31,799 usually in those procedures it depends 29 00:01:35,300 --> 00:01:33,210 on what they're having they're several 30 00:01:38,420 --> 00:01:35,310 different surgical options for female 31 00:01:41,690 --> 00:01:38,430 the males and they have a lot more 32 00:01:45,770 --> 00:01:41,700 complications that are possible in each 33 00:01:49,819 --> 00:01:45,780 surgery so and what do you what is the 34 00:01:51,200 --> 00:01:49,829 process for you as far as what must the 35 00:01:54,080 --> 00:01:51,210 person have kind of gone through before 36 00:01:57,139 --> 00:01:54,090 you think they're essentially ready for 37 00:02:00,319 --> 00:01:57,149 surgery you know mostly mentally ready 38 00:02:01,999 --> 00:02:00,329 for surgery ready is you know there are 39 00:02:04,219 --> 00:02:02,009 there are some who demand that it should 40 00:02:06,679 --> 00:02:04,229 be you know surgery and a beard we you 41 00:02:07,730 --> 00:02:06,689 have to realize where were the current 42 00:02:09,800 --> 00:02:07,740 model that we use is really 43 00:02:12,050 --> 00:02:09,810 pathologizing this is some sort of 44 00:02:13,940 --> 00:02:12,060 mental derangement that why would anyone 45 00:02:16,309 --> 00:02:13,950 lose their penis kind of thing then 46 00:02:19,089 --> 00:02:16,319 that's still a holdover from the 1980s 47 00:02:22,610 --> 00:02:19,099 when it was pathologized in the in the 48 00:02:25,190 --> 00:02:22,620 medina s-- the psychiatric manuals that 49 00:02:27,170 --> 00:02:25,200 are still in use today so it's really 50 00:02:28,850 --> 00:02:27,180 unlike any other surgery in history that 51 00:02:31,160 --> 00:02:28,860 we require people to get mental health 52 00:02:34,250 --> 00:02:31,170 evaluations and then we questioned their 53 00:02:35,750 --> 00:02:34,260 middle sanity and so that that gradually 54 00:02:38,210 --> 00:02:35,760 is fading is we realize that really 55 00:02:41,300 --> 00:02:38,220 what's the natural is to assign people 56 00:02:43,970 --> 00:02:41,310 in one of two camps simply based on what 57 00:02:46,550 --> 00:02:43,980 their genitals look like at birth there 58 00:02:49,520 --> 00:02:46,560 is no other measure in nature where that 59 00:02:51,259 --> 00:02:49,530 is diverted by just two choices and this 60 00:02:53,289 --> 00:02:51,269 is what we do it's a big fork in the 61 00:02:57,440 --> 00:02:53,299 road at birth and it makes no sense 62 00:03:00,589 --> 00:02:57,450 biologically well biologically you do 63 00:03:02,509 --> 00:03:00,599 have X Y chromosome and X X chromosome 64 00:03:04,059 --> 00:03:02,519 is that a proper distinction in your 65 00:03:07,699 --> 00:03:04,069 mind to separate people based on 66 00:03:09,830 --> 00:03:07,709 chromosomes absolutely it's a mess in 67 00:03:12,050 --> 00:03:09,840 fact this is what the inner the the i/os 68 00:03:13,520 --> 00:03:12,060 see struggled with the International 69 00:03:15,979 --> 00:03:13,530 Olympic Committee struggled when they 70 00:03:20,150 --> 00:03:15,989 realize in the 1980s that these East 71 00:03:23,150 --> 00:03:20,160 German women were out competing their 72 00:03:25,849 --> 00:03:23,160 peers as a result of doping you know 73 00:03:29,690 --> 00:03:25,859 they were receiving male male hormones 74 00:03:31,460 --> 00:03:29,700 to to bulk up their muscle mass they 75 00:03:33,140 --> 00:03:31,470 decided that they would they needed to 76 00:03:35,319 --> 00:03:33,150 define what was a woman and so they 77 00:03:38,240 --> 00:03:35,329 tested they chromosomally test innately 78 00:03:40,160 --> 00:03:38,250 measured hormone levels tested other 79 00:03:43,400 --> 00:03:40,170 athletes and guess what eleven of the 80 00:03:47,300 --> 00:03:43,410 women that year had y chromosomes male 81 00:03:49,220 --> 00:03:47,310 chromosomes so are they men no why are 82 00:03:51,020 --> 00:03:49,230 they not men because they didn't respond 83 00:03:53,180 --> 00:03:51,030 to testosterone they had to Stas terone 84 00:03:56,090 --> 00:03:53,190 but their bodies lack the receptors 85 00:04:01,670 --> 00:03:56,100 therefore the body develops completely 86 00:04:03,680 --> 00:04:01,680 as female from externally now internally 87 00:04:05,660 --> 00:04:03,690 they still have testes internally 88 00:04:08,590 --> 00:04:05,670 they're still producing testosterone you 89 00:04:11,240 --> 00:04:08,600 see there's no way the point being 90 00:04:12,440 --> 00:04:11,250 measuring biology there's there are nine 91 00:04:15,559 --> 00:04:12,450 different ways that you can measure 92 00:04:18,080 --> 00:04:15,569 biological sex and chromosomes would be 93 00:04:20,449 --> 00:04:18,090 the simple and the easy answer but God 94 00:04:25,159 --> 00:04:20,459 didn't make it that way this is it is 95 00:04:25,840 --> 00:04:25,169 complex and in fact when that's a very 96 00:04:27,670 --> 00:04:25,850 high 97 00:04:29,770 --> 00:04:27,680 percentage of newborns that are born 98 00:04:31,980 --> 00:04:29,780 within with genitalia that you can't 99 00:04:36,390 --> 00:04:31,990 tell if it's a boy or a girl 100 00:04:38,950 --> 00:04:36,400 so they convene ethicists and 101 00:04:40,360 --> 00:04:38,960 pediatricians and urologists all around 102 00:04:42,130 --> 00:04:40,370 to decide what it's going to be and it's 103 00:04:43,840 --> 00:04:42,140 a very arbitrary measure they simply 104 00:04:47,830 --> 00:04:43,850 look at the length of the phallus and 105 00:04:49,750 --> 00:04:47,840 mind you this could be xx individuals 106 00:04:52,120 --> 00:04:49,760 and they say well it's long enough 107 00:04:54,400 --> 00:04:52,130 you're gonna be raised as a boy and if 108 00:04:55,810 --> 00:04:54,410 it's short enough you're gonna be you're 109 00:04:58,750 --> 00:04:55,820 gonna have some surgery and be raised as 110 00:05:02,140 --> 00:04:58,760 a girl and that's how arbitrary sex 111 00:05:04,690 --> 00:05:02,150 assignment is at birth so wouldn't sex 112 00:05:07,180 --> 00:05:04,700 assignment be less arbitrary if it was 113 00:05:09,580 --> 00:05:07,190 based on chromosomes oh absolutely not 114 00:05:11,290 --> 00:05:09,590 because you'd get it wrong well for one 115 00:05:13,180 --> 00:05:11,300 if you did chromosomes at birth all 116 00:05:15,550 --> 00:05:13,190 those athletes that have female 117 00:05:18,690 --> 00:05:15,560 genitalia mind you they have vulva they 118 00:05:22,690 --> 00:05:18,700 have breasts there these are athletes 119 00:05:24,640 --> 00:05:22,700 that had Y chromosomes are you gonna 120 00:05:26,140 --> 00:05:24,650 call them men you gonna raise them as 121 00:05:28,480 --> 00:05:26,150 men because they have a Y chromosome no 122 00:05:31,000 --> 00:05:28,490 so is that is that intersex is that what 123 00:05:33,100 --> 00:05:31,010 you would refer to that us what are the 124 00:05:36,090 --> 00:05:33,110 many many conditions in intersex that's 125 00:05:38,800 --> 00:05:36,100 correct okay sex is important because 126 00:05:41,560 --> 00:05:38,810 intersex really what it is is genital 127 00:05:43,750 --> 00:05:41,570 diversity there is diversity in the 128 00:05:46,750 --> 00:05:43,760 genital and genitalia formation but most 129 00:05:48,790 --> 00:05:46,760 trans people are not intersex correct no 130 00:05:53,530 --> 00:05:48,800 but there's a good number that are okay 131 00:05:57,190 --> 00:05:53,540 so for everyone else what's going on 132 00:05:59,020 --> 00:05:57,200 with them it's not intersex it's it's 133 00:05:59,290 --> 00:05:59,030 intersex but how it depends on what you 134 00:06:01,020 --> 00:05:59,300 call 135 00:06:03,940 --> 00:06:01,030 intersex there's also another whole 136 00:06:06,040 --> 00:06:03,950 subcategory of intersex conditions that 137 00:06:08,670 --> 00:06:06,050 are not even yet defined medically but 138 00:06:11,770 --> 00:06:08,680 they have to do things like very short 139 00:06:13,780 --> 00:06:11,780 spermatic chords that loud that don't 140 00:06:16,540 --> 00:06:13,790 allow sufficient production of 141 00:06:19,060 --> 00:06:16,550 testosterone and those are not even 142 00:06:20,470 --> 00:06:19,070 defined in the intersex categories other 143 00:06:23,260 --> 00:06:20,480 words we just don't really there's 144 00:06:25,750 --> 00:06:23,270 diversity in genital formation there's 145 00:06:27,250 --> 00:06:25,760 diversity so it really hardly makes 146 00:06:31,300 --> 00:06:27,260 sense that the brain might not be 147 00:06:33,880 --> 00:06:31,310 represented by diversity so what do you 148 00:06:36,790 --> 00:06:33,890 think is going on with the vast majority 149 00:06:38,500 --> 00:06:36,800 of transgender people that you're seeing 150 00:06:39,460 --> 00:06:38,510 what what do you think is going on with 151 00:06:42,520 --> 00:06:39,470 these 152 00:06:44,050 --> 00:06:42,530 what is the cause of it well if you if 153 00:06:48,910 --> 00:06:44,060 you want to say causa that you would 154 00:06:51,370 --> 00:06:48,920 imply that that implies pathology but I 155 00:06:54,790 --> 00:06:51,380 would argue that actually what it is is 156 00:06:58,870 --> 00:06:54,800 a manifestation of the fact that gender 157 00:07:03,970 --> 00:06:58,880 identity is diverse and that most of us 158 00:07:06,780 --> 00:07:03,980 are not macho macho ten on the gender 159 00:07:11,110 --> 00:07:06,790 scale or one's you know not a perfect 160 00:07:13,630 --> 00:07:11,120 you know Barbie type figure if if you're 161 00:07:14,580 --> 00:07:13,640 a female aside most of us are somewhere 162 00:07:17,560 --> 00:07:14,590 in between 163 00:07:19,510 --> 00:07:17,570 that's our gender identity now 164 00:07:21,340 --> 00:07:19,520 transgender people are the fours and 165 00:07:24,820 --> 00:07:21,350 maybe finds the sixes or people that 166 00:07:27,100 --> 00:07:24,830 just don't they they feel that they they 167 00:07:31,180 --> 00:07:27,110 need to make that change completely 168 00:07:35,740 --> 00:07:31,190 biologically hormonal II and even 169 00:07:37,720 --> 00:07:35,750 genitalia wise so it just is what it is 170 00:07:38,890 --> 00:07:37,730 it's part of planetary diversity and 171 00:07:40,480 --> 00:07:38,900 it's been here since the beginning of 172 00:07:41,650 --> 00:07:40,490 time I mean this is nothing that's new 173 00:07:45,640 --> 00:07:41,660 but you don't think there's any 174 00:07:45,790 --> 00:07:45,650 scientific explanation for it sure there 175 00:07:47,590 --> 00:07:45,800 is 176 00:07:50,530 --> 00:07:47,600 there's there's all kinds of science 177 00:07:54,310 --> 00:07:50,540 again many many of these individuals 178 00:07:56,200 --> 00:07:54,320 have very very short chords romantic 179 00:07:59,260 --> 00:07:56,210 chords or they have very low levels of 180 00:08:01,570 --> 00:07:59,270 testosterone or they have but it's it's 181 00:08:04,570 --> 00:08:01,580 you know looking for looking for the one 182 00:08:08,409 --> 00:08:04,580 you know the the key that opens up the 183 00:08:11,050 --> 00:08:08,419 box no you know can find it not one 184 00:08:12,100 --> 00:08:11,060 single you know an today here it is you 185 00:08:14,230 --> 00:08:12,110 know it's not like that 186 00:08:16,240 --> 00:08:14,240 it's not like the the patient that comes 187 00:08:17,860 --> 00:08:16,250 in with abdominal pain and and the 188 00:08:21,310 --> 00:08:17,870 surgeon pulls a porcupine out of their 189 00:08:25,050 --> 00:08:21,320 abdomen it's not that way because 190 00:08:27,990 --> 00:08:25,060 there's just too many different 191 00:08:29,380 --> 00:08:28,000 potential explanations is that 192 00:08:32,650 --> 00:08:29,390 absolutely right 193 00:08:34,180 --> 00:08:32,660 it's as complex and as and we're just 194 00:08:36,279 --> 00:08:34,190 beginning to peel the layers of the 195 00:08:38,500 --> 00:08:36,289 onion off this is just something 196 00:08:41,890 --> 00:08:38,510 societies finally kind of grappling with 197 00:08:45,550 --> 00:08:41,900 is just this idea this artificial notion 198 00:08:47,230 --> 00:08:45,560 of maleness and femaleness it's not 199 00:08:49,420 --> 00:08:47,240 healthy in fact I'd argue with you with 200 00:08:51,790 --> 00:08:49,430 it that a lot of our problems of male 201 00:08:52,540 --> 00:08:51,800 violence it has to do not so much with 202 00:08:55,570 --> 00:08:52,550 test 203 00:08:57,400 --> 00:08:55,580 our own because male-female the male's 204 00:09:00,009 --> 00:08:57,410 run levels of testosterone that are 205 00:09:02,170 --> 00:09:00,019 sky-high they're in the thousands higher 206 00:09:07,329 --> 00:09:02,180 than a biological male then I share a 207 00:09:10,509 --> 00:09:07,339 cisgender male and and yet you rarely 208 00:09:12,970 --> 00:09:10,519 see evidence of rage and they also have 209 00:09:15,250 --> 00:09:12,980 estrogen though right no the estrogen is 210 00:09:18,550 --> 00:09:15,260 completely suppressed but Marin 211 00:09:20,889 --> 00:09:18,560 cisgender men have estrogen you have 212 00:09:23,290 --> 00:09:20,899 estrogen cisgender men have estrogen 213 00:09:27,130 --> 00:09:23,300 today cisgender females have 214 00:09:30,190 --> 00:09:27,140 testosterone and of course it does have 215 00:09:32,680 --> 00:09:30,200 a facts on behavior but it's a part of 216 00:09:34,690 --> 00:09:32,690 biology we're much more alike than we 217 00:09:37,840 --> 00:09:34,700 are different ninety-nine point seven 218 00:09:40,269 --> 00:09:37,850 percent of our DNA is identical male and 219 00:09:43,900 --> 00:09:40,279 female but but you cannot underestimate 220 00:09:46,600 --> 00:09:43,910 the significance of hormones right and 221 00:09:49,389 --> 00:09:46,610 and how that influences behavior and 222 00:09:51,250 --> 00:09:49,399 moods hormones are one big influence 223 00:09:54,519 --> 00:09:51,260 absolutely but a bigger influence is 224 00:09:57,550 --> 00:09:54,529 what is gender expectations and gender 225 00:10:01,540 --> 00:09:57,560 roles have been assigned by society when 226 00:10:03,850 --> 00:10:01,550 when when when when Westerners came to 227 00:10:06,190 --> 00:10:03,860 to the country now known as Thailand 228 00:10:08,560 --> 00:10:06,200 they call it Siam the tiny day a hundred 229 00:10:10,389 --> 00:10:08,570 years ago they said well the men and 230 00:10:12,690 --> 00:10:10,399 women were they were the women were so 231 00:10:15,220 --> 00:10:12,700 ugly they said off these women are just 232 00:10:17,430 --> 00:10:15,230 because their hair was short the clothes 233 00:10:19,720 --> 00:10:17,440 are just basically like the boys and 234 00:10:21,400 --> 00:10:19,730 they just looked around and said well 235 00:10:22,930 --> 00:10:21,410 you need to grow your hair long you need 236 00:10:27,880 --> 00:10:22,940 to put on makeup you need to have 237 00:10:30,490 --> 00:10:27,890 dresses not you know trousers and there 238 00:10:32,319 --> 00:10:30,500 we and suddenly so what we do with these 239 00:10:35,949 --> 00:10:32,329 gender roles these artificial rules as 240 00:10:39,130 --> 00:10:35,959 we push we pull the sexes apart we make 241 00:10:42,010 --> 00:10:39,140 this as the gender is so different that 242 00:10:43,840 --> 00:10:42,020 it's that it it leads it leads to angst 243 00:10:46,900 --> 00:10:43,850 I mean it's difficult it's it's these 244 00:10:49,509 --> 00:10:46,910 rules I like some of the rules but the 245 00:10:52,000 --> 00:10:49,519 rules are rules and and rules are meant 246 00:10:54,340 --> 00:10:52,010 to be broken they are these are children 247 00:10:56,380 --> 00:10:54,350 and they aren't really forced but but I 248 00:10:57,490 --> 00:10:56,390 think you'd agree isn't just societal I 249 00:10:59,889 --> 00:10:57,500 mean I think there's plenty of studies 250 00:11:02,980 --> 00:10:59,899 where you put the boy the little boy in 251 00:11:04,480 --> 00:11:02,990 the room and there's boy toys on the 252 00:11:06,249 --> 00:11:04,490 left side and girl toys on the right 253 00:11:07,989 --> 00:11:06,259 side and he gravitates toward the 254 00:11:10,659 --> 00:11:07,999 the boy toys and the girl gravitates 255 00:11:12,489 --> 00:11:10,669 toward the girl toys so you know to say 256 00:11:14,859 --> 00:11:12,499 that it's all society I'm not sure that 257 00:11:15,879 --> 00:11:14,869 that's quite accurate no you're 258 00:11:18,309 --> 00:11:15,889 absolutely right 259 00:11:20,229 --> 00:11:18,319 there's a huge amount of biology no we 260 00:11:22,030 --> 00:11:20,239 know this because and that's the whole 261 00:11:24,309 --> 00:11:22,040 point that's my whole point about these 262 00:11:27,579 --> 00:11:24,319 kids you know they had the kid they that 263 00:11:29,199 --> 00:11:27,589 that was that was they had a botched 264 00:11:32,019 --> 00:11:29,209 circumcision if you remember this he had 265 00:11:34,150 --> 00:11:32,029 a twin brother in Canada they botched 266 00:11:36,879 --> 00:11:34,160 the circumcision and then the doctor at 267 00:11:40,719 --> 00:11:36,889 the time dr. money decided we'll just 268 00:11:43,479 --> 00:11:40,729 raise that will just reinforce the kids 269 00:11:45,249 --> 00:11:43,489 you know it's all about nurture so we'll 270 00:11:47,889 --> 00:11:45,259 just reinforce and tell him he's a girl 271 00:11:50,650 --> 00:11:47,899 raised him half surgery make her a girl 272 00:11:52,960 --> 00:11:50,660 and that's how they raised and well you 273 00:11:54,519 --> 00:11:52,970 know obviously that that experiment went 274 00:11:57,159 --> 00:11:54,529 very very badly the kid ended up 275 00:12:00,789 --> 00:11:57,169 committing suicide as did his his 276 00:12:03,069 --> 00:12:00,799 brother when he he later came out as 277 00:12:04,539 --> 00:12:03,079 male and then found out the truth which 278 00:12:07,869 --> 00:12:04,549 was hidden from him for all those years 279 00:12:12,249 --> 00:12:07,879 you know hide that nature your absolute 280 00:12:13,479 --> 00:12:12,259 or ease out there and they're horrendous 281 00:12:17,919 --> 00:12:13,489 but you know we're still talking about a 282 00:12:20,739 --> 00:12:17,929 very very small percentage of children 283 00:12:23,049 --> 00:12:20,749 that that's affecting so I'm just 284 00:12:26,949 --> 00:12:23,059 wondering you know should we be taking 285 00:12:29,559 --> 00:12:26,959 those very rare cases and extending that 286 00:12:31,689 --> 00:12:29,569 to something beyond that that suddenly 287 00:12:33,159 --> 00:12:31,699 affects a hundred percent no I'm 288 00:12:34,809 --> 00:12:33,169 actually just doing the opposite I'm 289 00:12:37,299 --> 00:12:34,819 just saying what I'm saying is that you 290 00:12:39,999 --> 00:12:37,309 just you don't you don't narrowly define 291 00:12:42,210 --> 00:12:40,009 kids you embrace them and you allow them 292 00:12:44,499 --> 00:12:42,220 to you don't set these expectations 293 00:12:48,909 --> 00:12:44,509 because we really do set expectations 294 00:12:52,539 --> 00:12:48,919 for girls and boys very early her so 295 00:12:55,449 --> 00:12:52,549 know me tell me if you were raising a 296 00:12:57,399 --> 00:12:55,459 child today yeah tell me how you would 297 00:13:01,599 --> 00:12:57,409 raise that child differently than 298 00:13:04,539 --> 00:13:01,609 perhaps you did yourself or others are 299 00:13:07,319 --> 00:13:04,549 doing today sure well you know this is 300 00:13:09,629 --> 00:13:07,329 this is gonna be I sometimes give a talk 301 00:13:15,429 --> 00:13:09,639 title 302 00:13:18,090 --> 00:13:15,439 gender 30:18 and looking at how gender 303 00:13:19,180 --> 00:13:18,100 might be valued in the in the future and 304 00:13:21,160 --> 00:13:19,190 instead 305 00:13:23,740 --> 00:13:21,170 signing pink and blue and things like 306 00:13:26,590 --> 00:13:23,750 that you know it's it's it's the it's 307 00:13:30,190 --> 00:13:26,600 the easy thing to do but it's very 308 00:13:33,580 --> 00:13:30,200 difficult to ungenerous upbringing if 309 00:13:35,560 --> 00:13:33,590 you even try to do it but I think that 310 00:13:37,840 --> 00:13:35,570 we should start by what why is it 311 00:13:39,550 --> 00:13:37,850 important to ungentle to begin with 312 00:13:42,040 --> 00:13:39,560 let's start with that and then we'll go 313 00:13:43,180 --> 00:13:42,050 into the to the how well I don't think 314 00:13:46,420 --> 00:13:43,190 it's I don't think it's I don't 315 00:13:50,560 --> 00:13:46,430 necessarily say I would run gender kids 316 00:13:53,410 --> 00:13:50,570 from the beginning but I would look at 317 00:13:58,360 --> 00:13:53,420 each assignment each decision you make 318 00:14:01,600 --> 00:13:58,370 and try to uncouple it from male and 319 00:14:04,090 --> 00:14:01,610 female a bit and I don't think that's a 320 00:14:05,890 --> 00:14:04,100 bad thing I think though we've actually 321 00:14:08,530 --> 00:14:05,900 done a pretty good job of that with 322 00:14:11,770 --> 00:14:08,540 girls girls have much more fluidity 323 00:14:13,930 --> 00:14:11,780 along the gender spectrum you know girls 324 00:14:15,700 --> 00:14:13,940 can wear pants girls can act masculine 325 00:14:18,010 --> 00:14:15,710 and we don't really look where we really 326 00:14:21,790 --> 00:14:18,020 have trouble in society is with little 327 00:14:23,770 --> 00:14:21,800 boys but then again I I'm looking for 328 00:14:26,190 --> 00:14:23,780 what the problem is that you're solving 329 00:14:29,980 --> 00:14:26,200 I mean you know may I get the problem 330 00:14:31,570 --> 00:14:29,990 male but I mean let's start there well 331 00:14:33,160 --> 00:14:31,580 if you think that you did that well how 332 00:14:36,490 --> 00:14:33,170 is this gonna solve the problem of male 333 00:14:37,480 --> 00:14:36,500 violence it's the key it's okay alright 334 00:14:41,890 --> 00:14:37,490 walk me through that thing 335 00:14:44,220 --> 00:14:41,900 read my book and it's the key male you 336 00:14:46,960 --> 00:14:44,230 know it's it just starts with with 337 00:14:49,210 --> 00:14:46,970 expectations that are there so that we 338 00:14:51,310 --> 00:14:49,220 what we've done we basically been a 339 00:14:53,740 --> 00:14:51,320 society that has been in a state of 340 00:14:56,440 --> 00:14:53,750 military conflict for the last 2,000 341 00:14:57,970 --> 00:14:56,450 years and so what we the way we the 342 00:15:00,970 --> 00:14:57,980 house of Bob will be even longer than 343 00:15:04,120 --> 00:15:00,980 that no I mean doesn't violence go back 344 00:15:08,260 --> 00:15:04,130 to the origins of man essentially yes no 345 00:15:10,690 --> 00:15:08,270 yes absolutely in and so the idea that 346 00:15:13,300 --> 00:15:10,700 we see our little boys as potential 347 00:15:16,060 --> 00:15:13,310 soldiers is an unhealthy way of seeing 348 00:15:18,430 --> 00:15:16,070 them and little boys can be 349 00:15:21,220 --> 00:15:18,440 compassionate they can be sweet they can 350 00:15:23,910 --> 00:15:21,230 be emotional they can be loving some of 351 00:15:26,650 --> 00:15:23,920 its biological you know you can you can 352 00:15:29,800 --> 00:15:26,660 boys are gonna gravitate towards rough 353 00:15:31,720 --> 00:15:29,810 things maybe or trucks and and things 354 00:15:32,690 --> 00:15:31,730 that are typically we associate as being 355 00:15:35,360 --> 00:15:32,700 more menacing 356 00:15:39,290 --> 00:15:35,370 I don't think any of that's bad but I 357 00:15:46,880 --> 00:15:39,300 think that that emulating having seen 358 00:15:49,400 --> 00:15:46,890 boys as seeing very macho manifestations 359 00:15:52,280 --> 00:15:49,410 as being the pinnacle of maleness that 360 00:15:55,490 --> 00:15:52,290 is the unhealthy ideal that we need to 361 00:15:57,380 --> 00:15:55,500 slowly lose track on and but I used to 362 00:15:59,570 --> 00:15:57,390 trust that for a second see what I'm 363 00:16:02,150 --> 00:15:59,580 what I'm questioning is that it's that 364 00:16:04,130 --> 00:16:02,160 it's that what we do know it's not so 365 00:16:06,920 --> 00:16:04,140 much the attract not so much the 366 00:16:09,470 --> 00:16:06,930 bailment the the macho maleness that in 367 00:16:11,900 --> 00:16:09,480 that is unhealthy but rather the fact 368 00:16:15,320 --> 00:16:11,910 that feminine behavior in boys is what's 369 00:16:17,630 --> 00:16:15,330 severely punished but it is come down 370 00:16:19,730 --> 00:16:17,640 just to good parenting I mean I was 371 00:16:22,970 --> 00:16:19,740 raised with all the maleness you could 372 00:16:24,620 --> 00:16:22,980 imagine with sports in guns 373 00:16:26,840 --> 00:16:24,630 we had machine guns that we played with 374 00:16:28,700 --> 00:16:26,850 we had cowboys and Indians that we play 375 00:16:30,020 --> 00:16:28,710 with but I also had good parents so I 376 00:16:31,940 --> 00:16:30,030 knew the difference between right and 377 00:16:33,680 --> 00:16:31,950 wrong and just because I was playing 378 00:16:35,780 --> 00:16:33,690 with a toy gun didn't mean that I was 379 00:16:37,910 --> 00:16:35,790 gonna go use it on my neighbor right 380 00:16:39,350 --> 00:16:37,920 well that's it that's a whole other you 381 00:16:41,450 --> 00:16:39,360 know that's a whole lengthy discussion 382 00:16:44,240 --> 00:16:41,460 having two parents and being doing all 383 00:16:49,070 --> 00:16:44,250 that stuff but it there are there are 384 00:16:50,810 --> 00:16:49,080 subtle pressures for boys to be to be to 385 00:16:53,750 --> 00:16:50,820 act out and they don't have healthy 386 00:16:55,910 --> 00:16:53,760 feminine outlets that's my point is that 387 00:17:00,500 --> 00:16:55,920 you can you can if they had more 388 00:17:04,990 --> 00:17:00,510 artistic allowance if there were if 389 00:17:09,530 --> 00:17:05,000 retail stores in in dress and behavior 390 00:17:11,900 --> 00:17:09,540 allowed for more softness I think the